The Relatively Unattractive Guy: The RUG

 

"While all men are visible to women in terms of their utility and the role that they are required to perform in deference to women's solipsistic thinking, the vast majority of men are sexually invisible to women. Until a woman has a clear utilitarian need for a RUG (relatively unattractive guy) or until the man invades her awareness, she will never actually see him. That man now has to establish his masculinity, whether it is because of her knowledge of arousal and attraction or because of a particular need (typically security or protection). To receive her visual recognition, he needs to meet the requirements.

This invisibility, along with the fear of rejection, can have a long-term impact on men's attitudes towards women and intergender interpretations. A RUG frequently misreads a woman's utility interests in him as genuine signals of interest. RUGs are trained to believe that they are never entitled to a woman's intimacy; it is always a gift, a prize, for her favor. Even with this component of their social conditioning, they continue to take those cues of interest more seriously and believe that a woman's attraction is a true reflection of their own suitability. This becomes the basis of the mindset that emerges when a RUG turns into a woman's unforeseen service provider. When women's utilitarian requirements make invisible men visible, they become more obedient. They mistakenly associate their use with sincere admiration and attraction.

The gender landscape has changed in an era where women's security needs are anticipated and met with a relative degree of certainty. This is seen when we take into account the 80-20 rule, the aspects of hypergamy in the sexual marketplace, and the statistic that 80% of men are sexually invisible to women. It goes without saying that men's attitudes towards women internalize this visibility disparity. An invisible guy can become visible in a few ways, but they all involve risk and effort.

Until a man's physical presence and arousal cues make him unnoticeable, or unless he gives a performance that is remarkable enough to garner attention, or unless he just asserts his visibility towards that woman, he remains invisible."

 -MALE, ATTRACTIVE, PRIVILEGED